IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT ABOUT AMRA:
After careful consideration, AMRA has decided to sell all of our claims holdings and donate that money our new environmental non-profit business intent on closing all public lands to protect the beautiful and little seen 3 breasted salamander known to roam all of the 19 states in which Federal Mining Claims can be filed. We’d like to show you a picture of the cute little guy, but so far nobody has been able to find one. Scientific name: Tribreastusus slitheraboutus.
We will be cancelling all current AMRA memberships and selling our mining equipment to become political activists for this important cause and will be changing our name to Miners Against Public Lands 4 Everyone (MAPLE). We had considered joining a reputable group like ISIS, but had objections from our women board members over the beards they would be required to grow.
MAPLE will focus entirely on converting America to a totalitarian ideology intent on having every single free person ask the government for permission to perform once simple meaning tasks such as: urinating in the wild, drinking water and walking on grass. These simple seeming issues are devastating our environment and should be immediately stopped and we apologize if it has taken this long for us to see the light.
To help all of you loyal (former AMRA members) folowers understand the seriousness of our new direction and the impacts of your behaviors, we will break down a few of these atrocious acts you have wrongfully taken for granted:
The simple act of urinating in the wild has significant impacts on the environment. An ant could drown in the urine stream and upset the entire ecological balance of Mother Nature. If it is a large stream of urine, it can result in large scale erosion (think hydraulic mining and that destruction). The fertilizer benefits from urine could potentially make another plant grow faster than one not urinated on, making that plant sad and envious.
Drinking water is quite obviously the cause of the urine and therefore should be highly regulated by our loving US Government. We are recommending several agencies be immediately created to require water drinking permits, at $766.00 per permit to pay for additional studies, really nice vehicles for those running the agency to use at their leisure, parties at Las Vegas and the cat day care facility for these hardworking individuals. We are proposing significant fines be imposed for anyone drinking water without a permit to pay for the retirement funds of these agency individuals who will become fully vested with all retirement rights after their first week of employment.
Walking on grass, while has happened since the inception of man has proven to be the most destructive activity man can possibly do. This is according to an independent study by the Center for Communism and Control (CCC). We applaud these folks for their completely objective study which was presented to us on a napkin while we were walking outside the Hemp festival this past weekend in Porltand OR. This study clearly shows man is evil and must be controlled from birth to death. Grass walkers are inherently evil and must be stopped. Did you know the average weight of a man is 180lbs and can crush an important spider and upset the entire balance of a 1′ area of our ecosystem? How earth has survived this abhorrent exploitation of our natural resources is beyond us.
We encourage you to join us in this fight and if you’d like to make a donation to the Communist party, or to MAPLE, information will shortly follow.
Happy April Fools Day from AMRA…………..